Are You Actually Grateful? Five Ways to Find Out.
TITLE: SAUTE-MOUTON - KUENYEHIA PRIZE FOR CONTEMPORARY ART. Email: info@kuenyehiaprize.orghttps://www.kuenyehiaprize.org...
And I want to thank you
For giving me the best day of my life
Oh, to be with you
Is having the best day of my life
Push the door, I'm home at last
And I'm soaking through and through
Then you handed me a towel
And all I see is you
And even if my house falls down now
I wouldn't have a clue
Because you're near me...
- Dido, (Thank you), 1998
On the 2nd of February, 2024, I had the shock of my life - one of those very few moments where life hands you a massive positive surprise out of the blue.
At the Grand BAME Business Gala Awards, held in front of 500 people, I had just won the DBI Business Resilience Award.
As I walked up the stage in utter confusion and shock, all I could feel welling up inside of me was gratitude.
Gratitude to my family and close network of friends who had stood by me through near bankruptcy, chronic debilitating illnesses, 2 almost fatal car crashes, failure of my business, betrayal, moral failure, loss of tens of thousands of pounds and a host of other issues.
Gratitude that I was still alive after many twists and turns of life.
Gratitude for all those who had cheered me on, offered me a hand when I was down in the dumps, challenged me and pushed me to achieve feats I never dreamt possible.
Coincidentally, earlier that week, I had a chance to see true gratitude in action.
A client, Ann, shuffled towards me, sauntering on her Zimmer Frame.
You could see the pain in her eyes as she shuffled her feet and made her way towards me.
She slumped in a nearby empty chair and beckoned to me to come forward and sit by her.
She held my hand, looked directly into my eyes, leaned towards me, placed a packet of biscuits into my hand, and inches away from my face, whispered in my ear: ‘’Thank you for looking after me all these years’’
My eyes nearly welled up as I could sense the genuineness of her gratitude.
As a part-time retail pharmacist, I hear the word ‘ thank you’ close to 200 times a day. That’s 800 times a week, culminating into 10,000 times a year. And after two decades of practice, you can smell false gratitude from a mile away.
But Ann’s thank you was one of those rare expressions of gratitude that made me stop and pay attention.
Because she really meant it – and she conveyed it powerfully to me.
I could feel it, taste it, smell it, hear it, touch it. All my five senses were involved.
True gratitude is tangible.
And later as I reflected on these two happenings, five thoughts came to me.
True gratitude is a reflection of our brokenness. A genuine thank you comes from a recognition of our imperfections. He who has been forgiven much, loves much. Some of my most grateful clients and patients are those who have suffered the most. - who have the most challenges. Ann was grateful because she could hardly walk, and all her medicines came with free delivery and a cheerful delivery driver.
True gratitude requires humility. A genuine ‘thank you’ involves a large dose of humility because gratitude involves a transfer of power away from oneself; acknowledging your shortcomings; the fact that you can’t do it all; and the fact that for that moment in time, there are things bigger than you. As the online free dictionary says ‘Praise of oneself is inherently dubious or worthless, as one cannot be objective of one’s work and accomplishments’
True gratitude involves self-awareness. Being broken or humble is not enough. Self-awareness, which comes from times of self-reflection, makes you keenly aware of your inherent brokenness, flaws and need for help – and that need for help begets natural gratitude when those needs are met by someone else.
True gratitude involves true curiosity. It seems that people who can’t be bothered, who are not curious, almost lack true gratitude by default. True curiosity stops you in your tracks and forces you to see, hear and value others. And as my friend Jabo Butera says (which I illustrated above) true gratitude involves all five senses (Hence the proverb, ‘’Wake up and smell the roses’’)
True gratitude can (and should) be cultivated. Brokeness, humility and self-awareness by themselves are not enough to show gratitude. True gratitude must also be intentional. We should choose to be grateful. Genuinely grateful. No matter how bad things seem, there is always a silver lining. Always. And the product of cultivating gratitude gives an unexpected result...
...A Resilience Mindset.
Whilst you're here...
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Rooting for you,
Steven.
