Who's Calling The Shots?
''Self'' Courtesy of Elikem Prize for African Contemporary Art, 2022. Used with permission: https://www.kuenyehiaprize.org
I got this fire burnin' in me from within
Concentrated thoughts on who I used to be, I'm sheddin' skin
Every day, a new version of me, a third of me demented
Cemented in pain, juggling the pros and cons of fame.
- Reincarnated: 17-time Grammy Hip-hop artist Kendrick Lamar (2024).
I remember my childhood in Ghana in the 1980s when we had only four hours of one-channel television, GTV.
That’s it. No choice. So, all 19 million of us watched the same thing. No choice.
It always began at 5:30 pm, with puppets dancing to music. As a little boy, I would stare in wonder at these puppets—how could they dance by themselves when they were clearly made of wood?
A few years later, I spotted the strings and, occasionally, a human hand pulling them.
Even though the puppets were dancing, the people pulling the strings were calling the shots.
''Why do smart people sometimes make dumb decisions?''
I have always wondered this question, mainly since I made some dumb decisions myself some years ago.
We always assume humans are rational beings who make decisions based on complex logic, weigh pros and cons, consider the evidence, and make reasonable decisions.
Erm… NO.
Usually, another factor is at play—hidden deep within our subconscious, who, like the puppeteer on the TV show, is silently calling the shots.
We want to do good, but sometimes we struggle to follow through.
Why?
Last month, archaeologists uncovered a haunting discovery in a quiet grass field in Somerset, a county known for its beautiful countryside. The discovery had been buried beneath those peaceful, picturesque fields for thousands of years.
They dug up hundreds of human bones that had been mutilated, cannibalised, beaten up and killed brutally during a fight thousands of years ago.
That’s how it occasionally is with us. There is a calm exterior – a smiling face, a handsome haircut, lovely clothes – someone who appears to have it all together, but just beneath the surface, they harbour immense trauma that has been buried alive, which now and again springs forth from their graves:
The CEO who lashes out in anger whenever confronted about his controlling leadership style
The father who shouts in rage and entirely overreacts when a family member makes a poor decision.
The employee who puts in excessive hours to demonstrate his value to himself and his boss
The manager that bursts into tears, curses, screams and walks out with the slightest provocation
The one who cuts all his friends off who upset him or completely withdraws into himself when feeling threatened.
The many people who struggle with legal vices are alcohol, food, pornography, and gambling.
We all realise this. Consequently, we make resolutions to improve ourselves, establish new measures, and replace our bad habits with healthier ones. However, like a hydra with multiple heads, it merely regrows in another place when we cut one off.
That’s because we are not the ones calling the shots.
Our traumas are.
Of course, this does not absolve us of personal responsibility to navigate life and never confront these deep-seated traumas. Many of us stumble from one reaction to another.
But, much like a verruca that keeps regrowing, we need to address the root of the problem.
In my first book, Pay The Price; I outline six steps we all need to regain calling the shots, which I have summarised here:
Recognising that we have a problem and that we need help.
Bringing our trauma thoughtfully into the open
Looking for accountability to keep us in line
Accepting help from qualified personnel, courses, etc, to help us get to the root of the trauma
The availability of non-judgmental support
Reject and Replace: a strong commitment to halting the effects of trauma and substituting them with healthier habits.
Life is a journey with a compass. We will never reach our destination, but if we follow the compass to the true north, we can develop strategies to bring us closer to the goal.
So, in our daily decisions, who’s calling the shots?
1. Work with me. I can public speak, mentor, write, or consult. Visit www.stevenadjei.co.uk to get a taste of it, read what people say about my work, and holler at stevenadjei@me.com to chat. I'd also love some feedback on the above article.
2. Buy my book. You won't regret it. It's won several awards and has been a #1 Amazon best-seller in EIGHTEEN different categories in multiple countries. (https://amzn.eu/d/3rHZVFw)
If you already have, I'd love an honest review on Amazon. Reviews really do help us out.:)
Please watch this space for information on my second book, Chasing Permanence, published by world-leading publishers Routledge.
3. Talk to me. I won't judge. My most vital values are empathy and resilience. As someone who's experienced much pain, I can help you overcome (or manage) your business pain and turn it into victory.
4. From 2025, this newsletter will have a more business-oriented tone in its articles in preparation for the release of my new book, Chasing Permanence. The audio version of Pay The Price and corresponding courses will accompany both books. Stay tuned.
Let's talk!
Rooting for you,
Steven.
