The Great Unshelling
Apah Benson, The Colour of Happiness 2020. Kuenyehia Prize for Contemporary African Art. Used with permission
Once upon a younger year
When all our shadows disappeared
The animals inside came out to play
Went face to face with all our fears
Learned our lessons through the tears
Made memories we knew would never fade
One day, my father, he told me, "Son, don't let it slip away"
He took me in his arms; I heard him say
"When you get older, your wild heart will live for younger days
Think of me if ever you're afraid"
He said, "One day, you'll leave this world behind
So live a life you will remember."
My father told me when I was just a child
"These are the nights that never die."
My father told me
Those nights, late electronic superstar Avicii, 2015
As a child, I enjoyed eating snails – a national delicacy in my native Ghana.
I was fascinated by them.
As a child, I remember watching them slither with their giant shells on their backs and wondering why they were so slow. I enjoyed touching them and seeing them instantly withdraw into their shells.
Like those animals (including slugs, tortoises, and turtles), many of us carry shells on our backs—shells from past hurts, traumas, negative experiences, and abuse.
When triggered, we instantly stop and withdraw into those shells, coming to a total halt.
Like the electronic superstar, Avicii wrote a decade ago,
‘’The animals inside came out to play
Went face to face with all our fears
Learned our lessons through the tears.’’
When those shells in us come out to play, they slow us down.
The week before I wrote this was a very tough week.
I experienced multiple epileptic fits, the most serious occurring right after I finished my bath when I was unable to get up from the floor. My son and wife had to help pull me up. If that fit had happened just a few minutes earlier or just half a metre away from where it occurred, I (or my family) would be telling a very different story.
However, I have learned to view these unpredictable attacks as a blessing over the years. I never lose hope that one day I will be free of them. At the same time, I accept that if I am not, my life must and will go on.
The greatest blessing I have experienced is what I call white flag pain—surrendering to unfair circumstances and turning them into a force for good. This has helped me face fears I cannot control.
Confronting mortality each day can deepen our dedication to swiftly clearing away the cobwebs and "unshelling" the shells that obscure our vision—that weigh and slow us down—so we can live our purpose of making the corner of the world we live in better than we found it.
The beautiful aspect of this is that it transforms our relationship with death. Learning to live meaningfully quiets the fear of death because the resonance of our purpose is so profound.
It reflects on heroes like Mahatma Gandhi, ing Jr., Mother Teresa, Václav Havel, and Malala Yousafzai, Nelson Mandela, Martin Luther K reveals their key difference from us: a decisive choice. They chose daily to shed the burdens of past hurts and abuse. By deciding to' unshell, ' they transformed their lives. Gandhi and Mandela endured severe racism, Havel and King faced imprisonment, while Malala was shot in the head by the Taliban.
Like many of us, they could have sat in self-pity, unforgiveness and cynicism reasonably sulk.
Their greatness lay in the decisions they took.
Many people have inspired me I know personally who are doing this, such as my cousin Helena, who gives talks about the struggles of stage 4 cancer; my friend Karen Turvey, who is undertaking a 100-kilometre walk on the island of Skye to raise money for early cancer detection despite multiple challenges she has faced; author and poet Mimi Jones, who has overcome severe disability, challenges and setbacks to write her first book of poetry and launch a successful business, or Wendy Woo Blackwell, who suffers from severe bowel inflammatory diseases that cause her to spend a lot of time in the hospital but lives a daily life of service, encouragement, and love for others; and Robert, who had a tough childhood but has dedicated his life to inspiring and encouraging everyone around him.
It always comes down to a simple decision.
Unshelling.
In his book * Everyday Legacy*, Codi Shewan writes:
‘’Everyday legacy means practising your values daily until they become as integral to you as your eye colour. This happens when you consciously wish to leave the world better than you found it’’.
In the past few years, I have become almost fanatical about helping people believe they can succeed despite their pain.
I want to spend the rest of my life doing this however I can.
What would your unshelling process involve to enable you to live your legacy and purpose freely and swiftly each day, allowing you to thrive beyond your pain?
You hold the keys.
Can you release past traumas? Can you curtail self-sabotaging habits that hold you back? Can you dismiss the naysayers in your life (including your own voice) attempting to drag you into the pit of mediocrity?
Like a butterfly struggling to emerge from a cocoon, can you persist going forward, regardless of how long or hard it seems?
The end goal is when you can say to your traumas and setbacks:
You’ll spend the rest of your life in my backyard or the back of my mind.
Depends on how you see it.
‘Im gonna Look out the window and laugh at you
This is crazy to me
‘’Cause I thought you had me in prison this whole time
‘’But I'm the one holdin' the keys.’’
- NF, Perception Intro III, 2017
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Rooting for you,
Steven.
